Oftentimes, Boston sports fans cringe when people uphold former Boston Sports Guy and current L.A. resident Bill Simmons‘ ramblings as a representative of their thoughts as a whole. And that’s even when he thinks Boston teams are doing well. Some of them are taking added umbrage with Simmons’ most recent column, which argued the Celtics don’t have much of a shot at beating the Lakers in the NBA Finals, which is set to begin sometime next year, I think. [Channeling Simmons] Of course they can’t do it! They’re not the ‘86 Celtics! Too many daaahkies! They don’t have Welkaaah!
Nobody is beating the Lakers this season. Not Boston, not Detroit, not anybody. They have the best team, the best player and a Hall of Fame coach. It’s really that simple…
The Lakers are in the driver’s seat right now. And when the L.A. fans chanted “We want Boston! We want Boston!” at the tail end of Game 5, normally the moment would have sent chills down my spine. This time around, it just sent chills. We might be headed for another Celtics-Lakers Finals, but I don’t think I’m going to enjoy the result all that much.
Perhaps Simmons is trying to counteract all the rampant jinxing mojo he foisted upon the Patriots earlier this year, what with his weeks of assurances that they would win it all in blowout fashion. CelticsBlog, for one, isn’t seeing it that way.
Yesterday you became a giant turd in the punchbowl. A buzzkill of tremendous proportions. On the same day that the Celtics return to the finals for the first time in years, you declare that the Lakers are a lock to win it all. Seriously? What? The Lakers? My god man. For your reference, comparing the stadium entertainment between LA and Boston is not an appropriate way to compare basketball teams. But this “article” follows similar negative drivel, bashing one dimension of KG’s game while ignoring everything else he does. Or your repeated criticism of Doc, which is fair in some respects, but also neglects to credit everything Doc does bring to the table.
But what happens when Bill shows up rocking his Clippers gear?
[Pic of Kendra Wilkinson from on 205th]
Kafana: Serbia has landed in Alphabet City, over on Avenue C. Owner Vladimir Ocokoljic tells NY Mag that what sets his new place (pictured) apart can be summed up in one word: “Pork.” Thrillist has the menu, and Ocokoljic isn’t playing: pork dominates, from the Meat Meze appetizer of assorted pork rinds to the pan fried schnitzel entrée rolled with ham and creamy spread. There are salads for the swine-averse, as well as some concessions made to lamb and beef lovers. Ocokoljic also shows restraint with the desserts – items like Zito (wheat sugar nuts) are 100% pork free. 116 Avenue C, (212) 353-8000.
Blue Marble Ice Cream: This eco-friendly ice cream shop has opened up a second location to compliment their Atlantic Avenue haunt. This one’s in Prospect Heights, and TONY notes that the parlor shares space with a children’s play area, where parents can let their offspring work off some of the sugar high. The 12 flavors, supplied by an unidentified fourth-generation ice cream maker, rotate according to the whims of owners Alexis Miesen and Jennie Dundas, who also sell a cultured frozen yogurt. (Read an interview with Miesen on Gowanus Lounge.) 186 Underhill Avenue, Prospect Heights, Brooklyn, (718-399-6926).
Sheridan Square: This new West Village restaurant helmed by chef Gary Robins (The Biltmore Room, Aja) has in its favor leather banquettes, dangling red lamps, and a wood-fired oven and a grill, visible from the 65-seat dining room. A second bar room seats 35 and sidewalk dining is to follow sometime in June. Robins’s so-called “progressive American” cuisine has global inflections, found in appetizers like Dayboat Fluke Sashimi with Braised Hearts of Palm, Tamarind, Yuzu and Mustard Oil. Eye-catching entrées include the Sheridan Square Cioppino (Scallops, Clams, Shrimp, and Mussels Braised in a Tomato Fennel Broth with Saffron Aioli and Sourdough Croutons). We’ve got to stop writing these things on an empty stomach. 138 Seventh Avenue South (at 10th Street), (212) 352-2237.
Photo courtesy Sabrayant.
Former Colts and Cowboys “idiot” kicker Mike Vanderjagt, whose once-illustrious NFL career went into a tailspin after badly missing a potentially tying field goal at the end of a 2005 divisional playoff loss to an amazing team everybody loves, is returning to the Canadia football fields were he made his name. Because only in Canadia can you make a name that bad. He signed with his former CFL team, the Toronto Argonauts, who with Jason shall find the golden fleece one of these days.
Vanderjagt ignited a firestorm of controversy following the 2002 season when after a playoff loss to the New York Jets he was critical of Colts quarterback Peyton Manning and then head coach Tony Dungy on a sports station. He later apologized, but that did little to soothe Manning, who during an interview on the sidelines of the Pro Bowl game referred to Vanderjagt as “our idiot kicker who got liquored up and ran his mouth off.”
Two years later as the Colts were preparing to face New England, Vanderjagt said the Patriots were “ripe for the picking,” and that he felt the club wasn’t as good that year as it was the year before when it won the Super Bowl. That prompted Patriots safety Rodney Harrison to call the Canadian “Vanderjerk.” And to add insult to injury, the Patriots won the game 20-3 en route to another Super Bowl title.
BURNINATED! Loogit ol’ Rodney Harrison playing the dozens. Obviously human growth hormone has a beneficial effect on the brain’s comedy lobe.
As for Vandy, it’s quite the freefall from being the first kicker to not miss a field goal the entire season, regular season and playoffs, in 2003 to a shaken shell that was pushed out of the league by a Gramatica three years later.
With Erin Andrews frolicking around backstage, who could blame eventual grand champion of the spelling world Sameer Mishra to let loose a little Freudian slip? How else is he supposed to sublimate that sexual energy? Rub your finger on your hand any harder and it’s playing with yourself.
The actual word here, numnah, is a pad placed under a saddle, so used to prevent the occurrence of numbnuts. The ironies, I feels it!
Well, at least for a day. The recent Padres castoff, coming in batting an Andruw Jones-esque .167, went 3-for-4 with a homer as the Cubs charged back from an 8-0 deficit to overcome the Rockies 10-9. The Cubbies went deep four times, including back-to-backage from Fukudome and Edmonds, to stay a game and a half up on the St. Louis Leitches.
Trying Not To Write a Bruce Almighty Gag: Jay Bruce is giving to people of Cincinnati more to be excited about since they found out they could leave Cincinnati (but only for Kentucky). The rookie got thee of his hits off Tom Glavine, making him a torrid 8-for-14 at the plate in his first four games. He even scored the winning run in the 11th by dint of Chipper Jones error. Maybe Jones can cede his .400 watch to Bruce as well.
A Royals Dozen: That’s 12 losses in a row for Kansas City, and the anguish is on. Grady Sizemore homered twice and made a game-saving catch while colliding with the wall to center to ice the 3-2 win for the Indians.
KERSHAW! Falters, Martin Soars: Clayton Kershaw’s second start wasn’t so hot, as the rookie gave up four runs in three and two-thirds innings of work, but Russell Martin goes 4-for-4 with a homer to help the Dodgers to a 9-5 win over the Mets. So there, Joe Torre got a win over one of those New York teams he used to manage. I’m doubtless that that connection will never be drawn again.
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who has a funny feeling the Spurs aren’t going to repeat this year. When he’s not stating the glaringly obvious, he can be found mocking someone or something at Basketbawful. Enjoy!
Here we go again. Bill Russell. Elgin Baylor. Bob Cousy. Jerry West. John Havlicek. Wilt Chamberlain. Sam Jones. Gail Goodrich. Larry Bird. Magic Johnson. Kevin McHale. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Robert Parish. James Worthy. Dennis Johnson. Greg Kite. Swen Nater. Not a bad list of names, eh? (Okay. Maybe the last two.) Well, now you can add Kevin Garnett, Kobe Bryant, Paul Pierce, Pau Gasol, Ray Allen and Lamar Odom to that list. Because in case you haven’t heard, it’s going to be the Los Angles Lakers versus the Boston Celtics in the NBA Finals. [Cue melodramatic music...NOW!]
And let’s be totally honest: Who would’ve thunk it? The Celtics won 24 games last season and Mamba said he wanted to play on Pluto last May. And even as recently as the final quarter of last night’s game, this outcome looked dubious. I mean, the Pistons had a 70-60 lead early in the fourth. They were playing at home against a team that’s been gak-a-riffic on the road in the postseason. And they were 5-0 in bounce-back games in these playoffs. Boston avoiding a Game 7 looked about as likely as a sequel to Daredevil (i.e., the movie where somebody thought it would be a good idea to dress Ben Affleck up in skin-tight red leather and have him use his superior acting skills to portray a blind dude with super powers).
But the Celtics responded with a 19-4 run and the Pistons were suddenly flat broke. Even a cluster of missed free throws by Garnett and Pierce didn’t matter, because David Stern’s Amazing Magneto Ray (TM) was knocking Detroit’s three-point attempts way off course…and that was that. Celtics 89, Pistons 81.
And in case you were wondering, the answer is yes: Stern and Danny Ainge had a simultaneous orgasm. But the Big Ticket? He’s trying to be all cool about it. “It’s kind of surreal. Probably hasn’t even hit me yet because we haven’t slept in about four days, going on five days now. Going to the Finals, I’m just hoping to get some sleep. We’re emotionally drained.” Not Truth, though. That dude just about had a freaking heart attack.
Speaking of Pierce, he led the Celtics with 27 points (on 8-for-12 shooting) and 8 rebounds. Allen got hot early and finished with 17 points and 6 rebounds. KG added 16, 6 and 4. And let’s not forget the Celtics roleplayers, who may not have had gaudy stats but nonetheless made huge contributions. Sam Cassell was only 1-for-5, but that 1 was big. Kendrick Perkins had a huge block late. And James Posey made the defensive play of the night, stealing the ball from an unsuspecting Tayshaun Prince with just over two minutes left and Boston clinging to a four-point lead.
Chauncey Billups scored a playoff-high 29 points for the Pistons, and Rip Hamilton shook off his fake elbow injury to score 21, but those dudes were on their own offensively. Prince (10 points, 3-for-12), Rasheed Wallace (4 points, 2-for-12) and the bench (11 points, 4-for-10) didn’t have their back. And now this team’s run — which has included six Eastern Conference Finals appearances, two berths in the NBA Finals, and one championship — might be over. Flip Saunders? He might not be back. ‘Sheed? He could be gone. Antonio McDyess? He might be bronzed and put on display at the Smithsonian. Times they are a changin’…
But the more things change, the more they stay the same. The same as they were in the 60s and 80s. It’s Boston and L.A. for all the marbles. The NBA Finals start on Thursday night in Beantown.
What you missed while being COVERED IN BEES!…
- NBA: Some 4th quarter by the Pistons, who see a 70-60 lead evaporate in 89-81 Celtics ticket-stamping to the NBA Finals. Boston advances to face the Lakers, with whom they have absolutely no history. [/Braces for 300,000-word Bill Simmons post, when that chapter from "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs" will do just nicely]
- MLB: Okay, so you can believe the hype about Jay Bruce. The rookie goes 4-for-5 in a 3-2 Reds win over the Braves. The hype about the Indiana Jones movie is still lies, lies, lies.
- Guerdon? I nearly merkin! Sameer Mishra [writes out post on hand with finger] is [writes more on hand with finger] S-M-R-T, proves so by taking the top spot at the Scripps National Spelling Bee, wins 15 awkwards minutes alone with Erin Andrews.
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Brooke Hogan has accused her mother of carrying on a fling with a teenage employee after discovered the fifty-four year Linda Hogan drinking water with three young boat workers in the kitchen of her beach house earlier month.
“Brooke was particularly engaged at seeing one of the guys-and accused him of being her mother’s boyfriend [...]
